Lessons from My Mom

Isn't it funny how the older you get the more you realize how right your Mom has been all these years? Now, do know that I'm only admitting this because my Mom has no idea what the website for my blog it.

Here are some examples:

When I was younger, I was so upset one weekend because I wasn't invited to a girls birthday party. My mom told me that a year from now, none of this will matter. A year later, I was standing on the football field being announced as a homecoming maid. She was right.

My Mom always said time heals all wounds. She was right, but she also knew the therapy a little shopping could do too.

My Mom always told me that she thought I should go into teaching. I resisted with everything I could. I will start teaching next year.

My Mom told me last year, that this year this time I would be walking and my accident would be a distant memory. Well, it's not exactly a distant memory, but I am walking and enjoying every moment of it!

She always stressed the importance of not tanning in a tanning bed too much. She still looks great at 52 and some of my friends already have wrinkles!

She told me that guys get sick of girls who are easy to have.

She taught me to adore my Grandparents, and I'm so happy that I have such a close relationship with them now.

She told me to not drive too fast, I've gotten 4 speeding tickets.

She told me four years of college isn't that long in the big scheme of things, it has flown by!

Now, I never admit my Mom is right, but secretly I do listen to all of her advice and try to follow it most of the time :)

Don't Know Where To Start?

Last summer, I felt pretty far from God. I knew I needed to get my relationship with Him right, but I was just at a loss of where to start. Looking back, there were several different tools that God provided me with, in order to fall in love with Him all over again. I hope these can help other girls too:

1. Music: I love love love music. I have found that there is a direct correlation between the type of music I listen to and how my relationship with God is and where my thoughts are. When I am listening to "Christian" music, I am constantly reminded of God's love and grace and am thinking on a much broader scale than just worldly things. It definitely helps my walk to listen to this type of music in my car, house, anywhere really. Some people I'm loving:

• Jeremy Camp: This guy has such an incredible testimony and great lyrics to his songs. They are also all pretty upbeat.
• Francessca Bertelli (sp?): I LOVE her! I feel like some of her songs were written specifically for me! "I'm letting Go" Umm... yes.
• Mandisa: Heard her in concert for the first time this past weekend and she's incredible! Her music is the type that makes you wanna dance along. Great morning music
• And as always... Shane and Shane: This music is almost always on when I am having a quiet time or just want a little peace. It's very soothing, and reminds me of being in youth group in high school.

2. Beth Moore Bible Studies/Books: Beth is so knowledgeable and I love the way she teaches. She gives great insight, yet it isn't too over my head. I feel like I learn so much about God and the Bible from all of her Bible studies, and I feel like she truly cares about all of her readers.

3. My group of Bible Study Girls: It's so great meeting up with these girls at least once a week to discuss life. They are always so encouraging, and its uplifting to be around them. It's great knowing that I have a group of prayer warriors who are just a text message away! I've prayed so long for a group of girls who are on the same level as me spiritually, and I'm so glad that I have them now!

Happy Birthday!

Wednesday is my favorite day of the week! Typically, by Wednesday, the stress of the week is mainly over, I have time to work out in the afternoon, and I have Bible study with my wonderful girls on Wednesday nights! It's fantastic!!

But today is extra-special because it's my Mom's Birthday! Happy Birthday Mom! Love you!

Funny

I can officially celebrate because the busiest two weeks of my life are over now! I'm so glad to be done with tests for now!!! The rest of this week is going to be soooo good.

So one of my things on my life list is to laugh every single day. That's not exactly hard for me mainly because I do so many stupid things that I laugh at myself very often. So I thought I would share with yall my recent experiences. Maybe you'll get a laugh too :)

This past weekend my roommate and I went to Tulsa, OK to a women's conference. Being the control freak that I am I wouldn't let Steph drive. So here we are zooming down the interstate singing to the music and enjoying the sunny weather when I start seeing signs for a toll booth. First of all, Steph and I panic because we seriously have no cash on us. After digging through the glove compartment we manage to find enough coins to pay our toll. Well, I've never actually driven through a toll booth before and I didn't realize that you had to get in a separate lane if you were paying the toll than if you had a Pike Pass. Yep, I didn't get in the right lane and here we go zooming past the toll booth. Oops. So I called my dad and he told me that they were going to come arrest me (I'm sure he got a big kick out of that), so all weekend long I was terrified that a cop was going to take me to jail for not paying my toll. Well on the way home, I DID get in the correct lane for the toll and I told the nice toll booth lady my story and she let me pay double so I wouldn't get a ticket! I'm sure my Dad will be happy about that :)

Story #2

Ok, I've NEVER had a real massage before. I've always wanted one, but could never justify spending the money. So, Steph and I are walking through the mall in Tulsa and she convinces me to get a massage from one of those creepy guys that stand in the middle of the mall and massage people (normally I would never do this, but I was feeling adventurous that night, ha). So we both get massages at the same time. Well all is going well and I'm thinking this feels pretty good. Suddenly, my guy's hands go south. Yes, he starts massaging my butt. I'm thinking to myself that this is really strange, but I've never had a massage before so I just thought that thats what they do. I mean it was in the middle of the mall! Afterwards, Steph asked me how I liked it and I told her that it was ok it just felt really weird having some guy massage my butt. She gave me a funny look and said they're not supposed to do that. We laughed for a good 10 minutes. So yea, I'll never get another massage in the mall again.

A Lesson Disquised as a 12 year old

Last night I was helping with a 6th Grade confirmation class at the church. They were helping stuff Easter eggs and then afterwards we fed them pizza. Wow! I forgot how much energy 12 year olds have! They definitely kept me on my toes. I also forgot how much 12 year old guy eat! Haha. After they all had their pizza they were sitting down in the room just eating and talking amongst themselves and I just stood back and watched. I had forgotten how much fun kids are at that age, and at the same time what a difficult period of life it is for them. As I was listening in on all the conversations that were going around the table (thankfully they are still at the age where boys sit on one end and the girls sit on the other end) I noticed a little girl who was sitting all by herself and looked a little lonely. She was somewhat close to the large group of girls that you could tell were the "popular" girls, but definitely not a part of them. Now, I know exactly how those girls operate, so I walked over to the girl who was sitting by herself and asked her if I could sit next to her. Then I started talking about how much I loved her outfit and we started discussing clothes and school and everything else. Sure enough, every single one of the girls in the large group began staring at us wondering why I was complimenting this girl and talking to her. I think this girl will have some new friends from now on :)

We've all been in that situation at one time or another, just waiting for someone to reach out to us and show us that they care about how we feel. I am constantly being reminded that I can have so much more of an impact on someones life by reaching out to those who aren't necessarily the cool crowd than the ones who already have so much going for them they don't see the need for Jesus, or even another friend for that matter. I never realized that I could use my Junior High/High School experiences to help young girls going through the same things. What a blessing!

It's For You

Thankfully my life is filled with joy most days. Deep, Joy. But there is still a constant lingering thought that I have to fight the devil over every single day. I am terrified that my prince has already passed me by. I want so desperately to be married and to be a mom, and I fear that that's not what God's plan is for me. Sometimes, I'm scared that I already messed things up too bad. I wonder where my future husband is? Are you in one of my classes? Are you ministering to kids somewhere far away? Do you think of me too? Do you pray for me and wish that I would hurry up and get to you? Because I do, I pray for you and wish that you would just come a little sooner. I'm lonely sometimes. I want that person to snuggle up to in bed, someone to make fun of me when I do stupid things, someone to wipe my tears. I want you to tell me that you are so mad at that person who completely shattered my heart. I want you to want to beat him up (no I won't let you, but I want you to WANT to). And then I wanna know that it was all worth it. I want to stand at the end of that aisle on my wedding day knowing that all the pain, the tears, the waiting. That everything was worth it for this moment. And while I am waiting on my earthly prince, I am leaning on my heavenly Prince. And yes, Lord it was all worth it. The pain, the tears, I know that you are just tearing away the bad fruit so that I can produce good fruit. You trusted me with pain. I trust you with my life. With every decision. I know it won't get easier here, but I know that my life is not my own. It's yours, for your plan. There is freedom in your will. True freedom.

I'm so amazed at how much my heart is changing. I am no longer looking to earthly things, but towards the heavenly plan. I am not who I once was. I hope someday that I can sit down and tell a young girl my whole story, and I hope that she will walk away changed, and believing in a God so much bigger than me. God has been shaping a one-of-a-kind testimony for me, and while it has been painful and difficult, it has been so worth it. If my story can turn even one person to God, it will all be worth it.

I know Jesus looks back to the cross and says Yes, It was all worth it.

Let Me Hold You Longer

Well Hello! I just had one of the most incredible weekends/end of the week last week. My heart fills so full it is about to burst! I know I say it all the time but God is soooo good, the best thing about our circumstances is that we are GUARANTEED a happy ending! Isn't that great? Weeping may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning and let me tell you my JOYS have been overflowing. God has just been so good here lately, and doing things I never thought possible. Never underestimate the power of our God because we serve a MIGHTY God. Nothing is impossible with Him. I am amazing at how much God loves me and how well He knows my heart. I am also amazed at how much He is changing my heart.

I have such a huge heart for people now that I didn't have before. I just want to love on people and hear their stories. Everyone has a story, and each one is so incredible and has so much to teach us! I am constantly thinking about people as I pass strangers on the streets, in school etc. I wonder what has shaped their lives? Do they know how much God truly loves them, regardless of what they have done? Do they know that life is so much better than what the world has to offer us?

I am starting to think of a country half a world away. This would definitely come as a shock to most because I have NEVER wanted to do any type of missions that takes me away for long periods of time. I've never wanted to leave the comforts of my home. I am so surprised at how God has created this stirring in my heart. I'm not sure where it will lead to, but if He calls, I'm beginning to be willing.

I can't wait to be a teacher and have the opportunity to make a difference in so many teenager's lives! I love these kids! They are so easily influenced and I want to influence them in the right direction. I can't wait until I have my own classroom.

And as I think of all these things I can't help but think of my Mom and how hard is must be for her to slowly let go and let me go out on my own. How hard it will be when I have children of my own and have to slowly release my grip on them. This poem from Karen Kingsbury sums it up perfectly:

Let Me Hold You Longer

Long ago you came to me,

a miracle of firsts,

First smiles and teeth and baby steps,

a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away

and leave to me your past

And I will be left thinking of

a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle

to your baby lips

The last time that I lifted you

and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,

needing to be walked,

When last you crawled up with your blanket,

wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,

still small enough to hold.

The last time that you said you’d marry

me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and

bright flashes from your past-

Would I have held on longer if

I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,

your final midday nap,

The last time when you wore your favorite

faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,

those last few days of first grade,

Your last at bat in Little League,

last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all

your yesterdays long passed.

So what about tomorrow-

will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog

in that old backyard pond.

The last time that you run barefoot

across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images

will represent your past.

I keep on taking pictures,

never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair

or stop a pillow fight.

The last time that I pray with you

and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle

with a book, just me and you

The last time you jump in our bed

and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,

last vacation to the lake.

Your last few weeks of middle school,

last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days

that haven’t come to pass.

But as I do, I sometimes miss

today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with

a math or spelling test.

The last time when I shout that yes,

your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for

a ride from here to there.

The last time that you spend the night

with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,

stealing precious days that pass,

I want to hold on longer-

want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help

with details of a dance.

The last time that you ask me for

advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me

about your hopes and dreams.

The last time that you wear a jersey

for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed

seasons as they pass.

If I could freeze the hands of time,

I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,

you’ll be going far away.

College life will beckon

in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,

one quick and hurried kiss.

One last time to understand

just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast

our time together passed.

Let me hold on longer, God,

to every precious last.

Life List Revisited

It's time to update the life list! Amazing how you can do anything you set your mind to! Really, you can!!!

The ones in bold are the ones I have accomplished thus far :)

1. Go cow tipping.

Ironically this is the first thing I think of.

2. Go camping in the middle of the forest.

3. Shoot a perfect free throw.

4. Complete a marathon.

5. Go on a vacation by myself.

6. Drive to California.

7. Go to San Antonio.

8. Vacation in Greece.

9. Take a photography class.

10. Buy a Nikon D40 camera.

11. Teach a little kids Sunday School class.

12. Adopt a child. So I haven't technically "adopted" a child, but I have a kid from compassion now and he is ALL mine!!! So excited! I'll introduce him in a later post:)

13. Learn how to use a lighter, a real one.

14. Learn how to shoot a gun. A real gun, the ones that kill people.

15. Fall in love. The everlasting kind of love.

16. Learn Yoga.

17. Laugh every single day. (Thus Far)

18. Give a complete random person $100

19. Work in a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving.

20. Go to New York.

21. Meet Karen Kingsbury. YES!!!!! More to come later!!!!!!!

22. Make a difference in someone's life.

23. Ace a ridiculously hard class.

24. Overcome incredible obsticles.

25. Get the metal taken out of my leg.

26. Buy a dog.

27. Learn how to bake at least one thing really well.

28. Buy a subscription to every magazine that I read.

29. Memorize one new bible verse every week for a year.

30. Learn how to play chords.

31. Learn to sail.

32. Swim with Sharks

33. Play poker at a Casino in Vegas

34. Go Skinny Dipping.

35. Learn how to dive (Yes I can't Dive)

36. Go on an African Safari

37. Invent a cure for something.

38. Dance in the Rain

39. Sing Kareoke at a bar

40. Attend the Miss America Pageant (to watch)

41. Eat Lobster in New England.

42. Take Cooking Lessons

43. Take Painting Lessons

44. Flip a house.

45. Learn how to drive a stick.

46. Eat pastries in Paris.

47. Spend an entire week holed up in a Cabin with my husband, with no connection to the outside world.

48. Attend the lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockafeller Square.

49. Own an Acura MDX.

50. Drink wine in Napa Valley, CA

Way Back Wednesdays

So I need some excitement to my blog because I'm sure everyone gets sick of me talking about school all the time (since it consumes my life). So I'm beginning "Way Back Wednesdays" Here's my first:

This is my absolute bestest friend from Belmont, Amanda. We were randomly selected to be roommates our freshman year and hit it off immediately. Seriously, I don't know what I would have done without this girl in my life. She's amazing too, by the way. A one-of-a-kind heart of gold kind of girl. Oh and she's 5'11. And gorgeous if you can't tell! We used to always joke when we would walk around together because I was so short and she was so tall, but I felt pale in comparison to her :)

She's from VA Beach, and so the summer after our freshman year of college I took a little trip up to VA to visit my favorite beach bum! It was one of the BEST weeks of my life. She introduced me to so many amazing people, we hung out on the beach every day, shopped, attended Bible studies, stayed up until all hours of the night, and just caught each other up on our lives. At the end of the week, we drove down to Washington, D.C to visit my old hometown :) I LOVED being back in D.C. Wish I could have stayed for so much longer! The picture is of me and Amanda in front of the Reflection Pool, Summer 2007.

John Carter Flynn

With a heavy heart, once again I am reminded of the frailty of life.

John Carter Flynn passed away yesterday afternoon around 4 pm. He was only 22 years old. He has a precious baby girl left behind, and many many friends and family.

He was a close friend of mine throughout Junior High and High School. I met John when I was in the sixth grade. Almost instantaneously we became good friends. I was the goody two shoes and he was the person who challenged me to just "live a little". Our friendship continued on throughout Junior High. He was a part of a group of guys that me and my girl friends were very close to. He always knew how to make me laugh. High school came and we seemed to go our separate ways. John played football and I was always there to cheer him on from the sidelines. Soon he had a serious girlfriend, and as anyone knows, there's not much room for girl/friends and girlfriends. But that was ok. We still had our inside jokes, and he always shot me a smile from across campus. Any conversation we would have between classes was always filled with laughter and us wondering how two people from such different worlds still got along.

I deactivated my facebook account last summer and with that I lost contact with John. I no longer had his cell phone number, and didn't know how sad he had become. I wish I did though. I wish I could have been there for him and let him know that he meant the world to some people. I wish I could have told him that he was a great man, and a great father. I guess some things must be left unsaid on this side of heaven.

To some people, the burden of depression reaches deep. Some don't understand the hope and joy that can come in the morning, and don't realize how many people love them. Please, seek these people out. Don't let another young life be wasted. Also, I challenge you to stand up for others who are being mistreated. Words cut deeper than anyone knows, and some words leaves scars that are hard to heal. Everyone needs a friend, so please, seek someone out who is hurting and be that friend.

Friends

It's Monday afternoon and already I am ready for this week to be over, oh and next week too! Why on earth did I decide to take 18 hours again + work? Oh yea, so I could graduate! I can't wait for that day! This will probably be a quick post, I am trying to decide what I want for dinner and it will definitely be take out because tonight is not a night for cooking!

Don't you just love those friends that you can call up on a random Monday afternoon when you are feeling particularly sad and they can cheer you right up? Those friends are Christi and Summer for me! I'm so glad I have them in my life, they always make me smile and remind me that life does indeed move on and there are better things on the other side of I-540 :) They always make me feel better. I feel pretty lucky to still have some of my best friends that I've literarly grown up with. I love my college friends, but nothing can ever replace those girls that witnessed your first everything.

Summer and Me the summer after Freshman year of college. On our way to the Beach Club.
Summer, Me Christi: Girl's night out, Senior year of high school
Me and Christi: Out to dinner for Summer's Birthday.

I love these girls!

A Change Will Do You Good

I am smack dab in the middle of reading Beth Moore's newest book "So Long, Insecurity". It's really amazing, and makes me look at struggles I face in an entirely new way. Tonight as I was reading, Beth (or Mrs. Beth as Jessica likes to put it :) ) was talking about changes we go through and how every change is pre-determined by God according to His good and perfect will. She stated that if we want our life to match His will, we must change.

She says:

"The truth is, God uses change to change us. He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny..... What will ever cause us to move on to the next place He has for us if something doesn't happen to change the way we feel about where we are?"

Also, get this.... As an example of change she uses the stock market crash, a bankruptcy, and a SKIING ACCIDENT. I read those words and said "Seriously God?" Wow. I want to go check every copy of her book and see if each copy says the same thing or if God specifically put that in MY copy. What does a skiing accident have to do with the stock market crashing or a bankruptcy? Nothing, except for the fact that that skiing accident completely changed my world. My accident set off a trigger of events that only God could orchestrate to turn me into the woman that I have become, am still becoming.

Then she goes on to talk about emotions. About how some people just "feel" things more significantly than others do. I'm beginning to think me and Beth could become best friends here. I mean, could I just have dinner with her? I think she could give me so much life altering advice. She describes me to a T.

I have said it before, but I definitely FEEL things. My joys are over bounding, my sorrows crippling. I think I go through every human emotion on a daily basis. I cry during any TV show in which it shows human suffering, joy, triumph, or loss. I hate to see old men eating alone in restaurants and will think about them for days afterwards feeling so much sadness for how lonely they must be. I can't read obituaries in the paper, you would think that I knew every single person personally. I get incredibly overjoyed when I see any man buying flowers. I FEEL. But that also makes me feel like I am crazy sometimes. I can be in the depths of depression one moment and laughing the next. But God made me this way purposely. And sometimes when I'm having a particularly hard day, I remind myself that it's good to feel because that means I'm alive.

Psalm 145

Today is a beautiful day!

Psalm 145

I will exalt you, my God and King,

and praise your name forever and ever.

I will praise you every day;

yes, I will praise you forever.

Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!

No one can measure his greatness.

Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts,

let them proclaim your power.

I will meditate on your majestic, glorious slendor

and your wonderful miracles.

Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue;

I will proclaim your greatness.

Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness;

they will sing with joy about your righteousness.

The Lord is merciful and compassionate,

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

the Lord is good to everyone.

He showers compassion on all his creation.

All of your works will thank you, Lord,

and your faithful followers will praise you.

They will speak of the glory of your kingdom;

they will give examples of your power.

They will tell about your mighty deeds

and about the majesty and glory of your reign.

For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.

You rule throughout all generations.

The Lords always keeps his promises;

he is gracious is all he does.

The Lord helps the fallen

and lifts those bent beneath their loads.

The eyes of all look to you in hope;

you give them their food as they need it.

When you open your hand,

you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in everything he does;

he is filled with kindness.

The Lord is close to all who call on him,

yes, to all who call on him in truth.

He grants the desires of those who fear him;

he hears their cries for help and rescues them.

The Lord protects all those who love him,

but he destroys the wicked.

I will PRAISE the Lord

and may everyone on earth bless his holy name

forever and ever.

Scared

I must admit that I am terrified about what the future holds. I know that my Lord has pre-determined all my steps and it is my prayer that I will not place one single toe outside of that line, but I am terrified over what is to come. I have a confession: I always thought that when I was at this stage of my life I would be in a relationship with someone, close to being engaged. That is not what God has for me, and while I am so thankful that He has called me back to Him, I am so scared to do it all alone. Now, I know I won't really be alone. I have a wonderful family who are on pins and needles wanting me to come back to Central AR. I have beautiful friends, who will be there no matter which part of the state I choose to spend the next year in. But sometimes I do long for companionship. Just the feeling of wanting to spend 24hrs a day with one person. I know that God has someone out there for me, I just want him to come. I'm not very patient. But God is shaping my heart in this time. I am learning what it is like to trust completely in my Savior, to bring every need before Him. It's a constant battle between me and Satan. He tries to feed my head with lies, feelings of sadness, he fills my eyes with tears; but, I know that my Lord always prevails. Nothing right now is easy, but I look to the future with a smile because I know that God has big plans in store for me. Plans that no one but me could accomplish. I can't wait!

CELEBRATE!!!

Lets just say there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and it's the most beautiful light ever! This season of my life is coming to a close, and a beautiful season is beginning. Many times during the past year and a half I thought I was coming to a breaking point but God managed to get me through it and everything I've gone through has made me into the woman that I am today. I wouldn't take back any of the hard lessons because I know that I needed to learn them and God brought me through them. Let me say it again, God is so good!

So.... Get Ready....

I AM GRADUATING IN MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even begin to tell you how big of a triumph this is for me!!! I will be the first person to tell you, NOTHING is impossible for God. Nothing.

God is still good, even when things seem so hard. Weeping may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning!

Good News!

Oh. My. Goodness. Last week could not have been any crazier, in the midst of getting my portfolio together, I come down with strep throat and then a sinus infection. I so love my parents so very much, I couldn't have finished everything without their help. I think they are beginning to be happy that I go to school several hours away and can't come home for help on everything. My poor dad stayed up with me until 12 a.m working on it Sunday night and he had to get up at 4:30am. Let me tell you though, my portfolio is the BEST looking portfolio you will have ever seen. I am so proud of it! I love it when you put so many hours into something and come out with a finished product. Its so satisfying.

So I have been on pins and needles waiting on the Summer school schedule to come out so I can figure out if I can actually graduate. Let me tell you, God is sooooo good. They are offering all the classes I need and the times work just perfectly! I can't believe it! So now I just have to make sure I can get all the appropriate overrides and that my petition goes through and I am on my way to GRADUATE!!! Hallelujah! I never thought I would see the day!

Today, I'm not working in order to get some much needed rest, and work on my Thesis. I am just in awe of how perfect and good our Lord is. He is AMAZING!

Sick

I come home for a long weekend and of course what do you know... I get sick. Luckily, Friday morning my mom was able to get me in to my family Physician. I have strep :( They gave me a shot in my hip to speed up the antibiotics, but I feel miserable. And of course I have to work on my huge portfolio, go figure. This is how life is... sickness never comes at a moment when you could actually lay around and just be sick. I guess this is my body's way of telling me that I need to slow down. So after I get my portfolio done, and my interview is over with I plan on slowing down a little bit :) I guess I will slow down a lot here in a couple of weeks when I have my surgery and am stuck on the couch! That week will be devoted to working on my Thesis!

On a good note, today when I get a break mom and I will do a little shopping :) I love shopping with my mom!

Beautiful

I love it how God speaks to me constantly and truly adores me. We learned in Bible Study this past week that we are the apples of God's eye and that's so true! Here's an example, once upon a time I had a boyfriend who was very critical of me. He always had an opinion about what I did, and especially what I wore and how I looked. I could go on for days and days about how many things he "didn't" like about me, but who wants to hear that. The point it, it really began to wear on my self esteem because all I wanted was for him to tell me that I was beautiful. Thankfully, God has been teaching me that I am beautiful and one-of-a-kind and loved dearly. So one of the things this guy didn't like was when I would wear my hair curly. I've just started wearing it curly again this past week and let me tell you I've gotten a million compliments on how good it looks. Such reaffirmation from my Lord is so good!

"it's not pretty being easy". This should be on a billboard somewhere.

Busy

Do you ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day? It seems like no matter how early I wake up, I always end the day with still a ton left to do. Who decided days should only be 24 hours long? I definitely think they should be 36. That would help me out a ton. Well, here's to the beginning of another very busy but blessed day! I hope yours is filled with joy and laughter, it's the journey that makes it all worthwhile :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Comfort

Tonight I am completely overcome with conviction of how comfortable of a life I live. I squirm at the slightest signs of pain, hurt. I fear abandonment. Funny, I fear abandonment yet God has promised to NEVER leave and NEVER forsake me. So I fear being abandoned by people? I shouldn't fear what I know will come. People will abandon. It's what we do, in some way or form. We all abandon each other at some point. That's how Satan tries to trick, to fool us. He tells us that we are ALONE. ALONE. All by ourselves, that no one understands our shame, our misery. But that's not true. God completely understands and God is right there going through it with us. Bringing us through it.

So what else am I comfortable with?

I'm comfortable with where I live, the friends I have, the major I've chosen, the clothes I wear. All of these define me. But only one thing should. My love and devotion to a God who is so real that I can speak daily with Him. A God who comforts me, stirs me to action, breaks my heart over what it needs to be broken for. A God who KNEW me before I was formed. He places my steps where they should go, and protects me from any harm that is not for His glory. He strips me down to nothing but a stump when I need to be and then places a fence around that stump so NOTHING can hurt His precious daughter any further than what He has allowed.

He knows me and He speaks to me. He speaks through me. He can use me even when I am being so stubborn and don't want to be used. But I'm getting carried away with what He has done for me. He can for you too.

He knows you. He knows every thought you have, He knows your actions, your comings and goings. He knows the deepest desires of your heart, yes even the ones you're not aware of yet. He wants you to have freedom. Freedom comes with the Lord and anything apart from Him is just a false security. It comes with the night but never hangs around the next morning. God is there Every. Single. Morning. He loves you more deeply than you have ever been loved. He's asking you... will you give up your comfort for His presence?

Happy

Some things to be happy about today...

• Our lowest exam score in Physics gets dropped so if I completely bomb this exam its ok.
• I'm going home tomorrow for a LONG weekend!
• I'm meeting Jayne for coffee this afternoon :)
• "Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us REJOICE and be GLAD in it"
• Bible study is tonight!

Hello!

I just got blog press on my iPhone and think it's so cool!! Just thought I would share that with the world! Be looking for more posts more often now :)

Sidenote: I am restarting my melotonin addiction... I could use a few good nights of sleep!

Lots of love.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Beautiful Mess

I'm sorry but I'm so tired and stressed that all I can type is in fragments right now so here is what it on my mind in bulleted form.

• I am so thankful for the wonderful friends that I have in my life. It's a huge blessing to have wonderful friends that you can count on through anything.
• Is God good or what? I am constantly reminded every day just how loving our God truly is. I'm so thankful He pulled me back into His arms.
• I love it when I see things coming together so perfectly that I know only God could orchestrate.
• Who's ready for spring? ME!
• I can't believe how different my life may be this time next year... I need to soak it all in while I can!
• Is it just me or does time go by incredibly fast?
• I miss my sisters. It's time for a trip home.
• Speaking of, I'm fortunate enough to be able to go home for a super long weekend this weekend. It's going to be so nice even though it will be spent working on my portfolio.
• I can't wait to be a teacher!
• I should be studying for Physics right now.
• Beth Moore's new book "So Long, Insecurity" = SO GOOD. Go buy it!
• I love driving my mom's car. I'm trying to convince her to switch me. ha
• I'm so grateful to have some really great guy friends in my life who will always give me honest and Godly truth.
• I'm the person who NEVER skips class yet I have already skipped Philosophy three times this semester. That tells you how boring the class is.
• I love my Dad!

Sorry if that list got a little long. I'm pretty scatterbrained tonight :)

Praise His Name!

I'm beginning to think that God has his own comedy routine starting the one and only... ME. I'm not meaning that in a mad way, because actually I think its quite hilarious. In my Bible study last week, we learned that God knows EXACTLY how to get our attention. Well, I've learned that God can't get my attention in the subtle whispers, He has to roadblock it to me. Seriously. I don't listen otherwise.

My latest... Since last week when I learned that I could possibly graduate in May I had to get on the ball with a bunch of appointments and scheduling upcoming events. The main thing coming up is my MAT interview. This is such a blessing, when I received the email about signing up for an interview time, I quickly deleted it knowing that I wasn't going to graduate so there was no need for me to sign up for an interview. Well, fast forward to last week and I was having a slight panic attack because I honestly thought the interviews were in early February and that I had already missed the deadline, and didn't even know who to contact to ask. This is on Thursday night by the way. Well on Friday morning I receive an email from the MAT program head asking me to please sign up for an interview (he thought his email never made it to my inbox the first time around) and that interviews were this week and the next. GOD IS GOOD. So I happily signed up for an interview for this friday. Then, I realized that I needed to bring my portfolio to my interview. I had no clue what was to be included in this portfolio since I haven't attended any of the Pre-MAT meetings. Thankfully, my good friends Sarah and Ashley quickly got me on board and provided me with all the materials I needed! PRAISE GOD FOR FRIENDS :) One problem though, the portfolio is about 70-100 pages long and I only had 1 week to do it along with studying for a HUGE physics test. So thats where I was this morning, well after about an hour of serious stressing and trying to figure out how to extend my days (seriously we should have 36 hr days) I receive another email. This one asks me if there is any way that I could change my interview time to next Thursday. UMM YES! This gives me one more week to work on my portfolio! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! Honestly, I think if I do anything but become a teacher I will probably be hit by a bus.

Really?

God changes my plans so much that it is actually quite comical. Seriously. He changes the plans that He already changed once. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be learning through all of this, just to trust completely in Him? Probably. So.... I found out last Summer that I wasn't going to get to graduate in time due to a few degree requirements that were overlooked. So I changed my major in order to still be able to graduate on time. Then this fall, due to another degree requirement (frustration here with the U of A system, particularly Fulbright College) I realized that I could either work my butt of taking 18 hours of super hard classes this spring semester, plus work on my Thesis. Or I could take 18 hours of some hard classes, but not as strenuous and work on my thesis, and still be involved in all the things that I am involved in, but graduate in May putting off entering the MAT until Summer of 2011. After much wrestling with God over this, I realized that it is more important to me to be able to spend quality time with friends, be involved in Bible Studies, and continue working at my job that I love, than to graduate on time. What's another semester anyways? So I became perfectly o.k with graduating in December of 2010 ( a feat for me because honestly, before I would have done anything I could do to graduate on time). Along the way, I interned at UAMS over the winter break and really fell in love with Medical Research. I interviewed with several Doctors and was even offered a spot in the Biophysics and Physiology Masters program there. Anyways.... Just as I was settling in on this idea, I was reminded why I wanted to teach in the first place (1. I seem to have a gift for helping people understand difficult concepts 2. I really love Biology and Chemistry 3. I have a passion for the high school age group and really want to make a difference in such a crucial time in their lives) Also, I have received a pretty big scholarship that will completely pay for my masters program plus give me a stipend to live off of. Wouldn't I be silly not to take advantage of *free* money? So just as I was beginning to consider teaching again, I receive an email from my scholarship advisor, Gay Stewart. Although I did not enjoy the subject in which I had Dr. Stewart in class for, I can't begin to tell you how wonderful of a person she is. Out of no where, she begins to ask me about my plans for graduation and tells me that there are ways to go around my problem. She is even willing to say that I took classes in her Physics department in order to give me more hours. She is literally bending over backwards for me, in order to get me to enter into the MAT program this Summer. She is great really. So after a million emails back and forth, it is looking like with a little effort, and some bending of the system..... I could actually graduate in MAY. WOW. Really God? I guess someone above has some pretty BIG plans for me as a teacher. Bring. It. On.

Book Review

One of my girlfriends, Summer, wrote a post on her blog about the lifechanging books she has read and asked me to do the same. First, read about hers here.

Here are mine, I read so much that it's hard to just limit it to a few but here we go!

Karen Kingsbury is my absolute favorite author. She is incredible! While I was at home last semester, I read all of her books. The characters in them were like my friends haha. Each book just has a great storyline and they all revolve around important life lessons. She also uses scripture a lot of her writing. Oh and I'm going to see her in March! How exciting!!

This book I have just started. On Beth's blog she is doing a discussion group over her newest book. It's REALLY good so far and very relevant. The discussion starts next week, you should join!

How can I put into words how much I love this book? I have read it at least three times and each time is better than the first. It revolves around the idea that we, as women, have a unique role to play that can't be played by anyone else. We should embrace that and stop trying to act like someone we're not. It talks a lot about beauty, which I love, and how our beauty is our gift to the world.

"Eve…She is the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God. Woman. In one least flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch… His piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill… (Ladies) Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, “The whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached its zenith in me.”

"Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty… he hates Eve.

Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be."

"Though we may fear the test, at the same time we yearn to be tested, to discover that we have what it takes."

Ok, this book is AMAZING. It's over 400 pages and I seriously read it in a day, passed it on to my roommate at the time, Christi, who read it in a day, passed it on to one of her friends... You get the picture. It's still circulating out there somewhere.

The storyline is about a girl named Angel who was sold into prostitution as a child. Michael, is a guy who is sent by God to lead her to Christ's love as well as his own. There are constant struggles in this book for Angel who doesn't understand the love Michael is showing her. She constantly returns to the brothel house, because she feels like she is never meant to be anything more than a prostitute. Michael seeks her out each time and rescues her. This book is the best example of true, unwavering love. It is based off of the Biblical story of Hosea and Gomer. It teaches us about a love that doesn't care what your past is... every girl should read this.

Quotes I loved:

"Love is the way back into Eden. It is the way back to life"

"Michael Hosea was a quiet man, but there wasn't anything soft about him. There was something in his look that made men treat him with respect. It wasn't just his height or the strength of his body, which were both impressive enough. It was the clear steadiness of his gaze. He knew what he was about even if the rest of the world didn't."

Dear John

So I've been cleaning practically all day long. I have this problem that I can never simply clean one thing. I have to clean everything, and everything must be organized too. It's a good thing that I have a small apartment, I couldn't imagine if I had a big house to clean. Can we say housekeeper anyone? Haha... Maybe I'll get lucky someday and my husband will see that as much of a need in my life as I do.

Last night, Jason and I along with every other girl in Fayetteville (plus the few boys who got drug along ) went to see Dear John. I had read the book a long time ago and honestly could not really remember the storyline. Overall, it was a good movie. It didn't live up to "The Notebook" but honestly can anything? Here's my favorite quote:

"And when her lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the girl of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever."

Plates

I have always wanted to collect vintage plates. Kind of random, I know. But growing up I had a best friend named Ashley Tinnell. In her mom's house, she had a wall of plates. All different types of plates, and it was gorgeous! I loved the randomness of it, but everything coordinated in a unique way. So I'm going to begin collecting plates so I can do a plate wall of my own one of these days. Here are some that I love.

Of course I like this one, the colors are gorgeous and I love anything with a paisley print!

Ok, so this one is probably a bit weird, but considering the fact that I am a biologist and have spent many years studying human bodies, I think this plate with a heart on it is pretty cool!

My favorite flower of course!

Love the pattern on this one! Reminds me of some china my mom inherited from her grandmother.

I'm a flower girl, what can I say?

Beth Moore Daniel Bible Study

I want to encourage everyone to go over to my friend Jessica's blog and check it out here ! She writes incredible reviews of the Bible study we are currently doing. I can't tell you enough about how amazing the Daniel Bible study is by Beth Moore. It's such a blessing, and incredible to experience it with such an amazing group of girls! Seriously, these girls are awesome, true women of God. It's amazing to see their passion for life, and most importantly God and others. I am so encouraged every single week. I really encourage anyone (ok maybe just girls), if you are looking for a Bible study to check out the Daniel one by Beth Moore. I have previously done Beth Moore studies, but this is by far my favorite one.

Goldendoodle

This is the dog that I want so so SO bad and as soon as I have my own house I will buy one!! Ahh... Can't wait!

Fashion

Since I am trying to control my addiction to fashion, I thought I would start making lists that way I can know what I absolutely cannot live without. Here are something I am currently loving...

F21 $3.80

This flower ring is just pretty. I love vintage things and this looks very vintage to me.

F21 $5.80

I always wear a lot of silver and gold together, so naturally I like these bracelets because they can be worn with anything.

F21 $29.80

Yes, I know that I already have a million pieces that look like this one, but who doesn't need one more?? They are so comfy, and great for lounging around the house.

F21 $17.80

I live in dresses and skirts in the summer, so this is a must for Spring 2010.

Love This!

Art

I'm pretty sure that just about any tv show can make me cry. American Idol. Yep. Extreme Home Makeover. Check. Oprah. That one too. Today, Oprah was doing a show on the new television series Undercover Boss. It's where the CEO's of major companies, go undercover and work the jobs of their employees. She had a CEO of a Waste Management System on there and I just started crying when I saw the people who do some of the worst jobs, clean port-a-potties, pick up trash, work at land fills--yet they have the most positive attitudes and they love their jobs. It makes me really embarrassed about how blessed I am, yet I still seem to complain from time to time. I should instead be thankful for the opportunities that I have.

I had the pleasure of having a much needed phone conversation with one of my best friends today. She just had the most precious little girl, Greenlee, a little over a month ago. One thing a lot of people don't know about Summer, is that she is SOOO incredibly talented with art. She paints gorgeous canvases, and can do just about anything else creative really well. I'm encouraging her to start selling her projects, because she could make some extra money on the side and have enough funds to keep doing what she loves. Check her out http://learn-to-loooove.blogspot.com/

Miss America 2010

Last night I went to sleep hearing the soft clink*clink*clink* of sleet and freezing rain against my window and this morning I woke up to a world of white. I don't think we've gotten much snow, just sleet, but it's enough to keep me inside which is all I want anyways. I love snow days because it's a whole day where you can do nothing but stay inside and -sigh- get caught up on all the things that you've been needing to do. It's like an extra day in the week and who doesn't need one of those? Amazingly enough the University actually cancelled classes at 9 last night instead of waiting until 5 in the morning like they usually do. Right now, my roommate and her boyfriend are discussing whether or not they should attempt to drive home to Heber for the weekend. I'm hoping they don't because if they do, I will be all alone here.

On another note, tomorrow night is Miss America 2010. The greatest night of the whole year. I always love watching the Miss America pageant, but this year I am doubly excited because we actually have a contestant in it who has a really great chance of winning! Not just *hope* she wins, but REALLY could win!! That would be so awesome! One person that I don't get the hype for is Puerto Rico. First of all, should PR be allowed in Miss America? I don't think of PR as being in America. She's absolutely gorgeous, true, but most of those girls are. I just don't get why the press goes crazy when she walks into a room. She has a lot of sex appeal, sure, but I'm sure she's not very smart. Ok, that was mean of me, but I'm supporting our Arkansas girl here! So, as long as the roads are decent--Amy, Tressa, and I will be heading out to Erin's house to watch MA and cheer on Sarah. You should too!!

Wal-Mart

Well, my mom told me today that Fayetteville is supposed to get a lot of snow/ice on Thursday and in true Arkansas fashion my roommate and I headed to Wal-Mart to stock up. Actually, we were already planning on a grocery trip, but we did pick up a lot more than usual just in case we have a snow day or two (fingers crossed). In fact, this is probably the most food our little pantry has seen in a long time. It's always nice to have food in the house...

On another note, we also traveled up to Rogers to purchase our Bible study books for our new study that will begin this Wednesday. We have chosen to do the "Daniel" study by Beth Moore. I am so excited. First, I LOVE love LOVE Beth Moore studies. Second, I love the girls that are in my Bible study group! What could be better?

I've been on a CD kick here lately, and am always picking up a new CD when I'm at Lifeway or Mardels. Today's CD of choice? Francessca Barcelli (I'm sure I spelled that wrong), her music has really great lyrics and a lot of piano in it. I'm loving it so far.

Next week, I have three tests. Count 'em. THREE. Have I began studying? Nope, not a lick. I probably won't start either until, umm... Sunday. Dear Graduation? Why aren't you here yet? Furthermore, why aren't I graduating in MAY?? Ugh.

I have two things to add to my lifelist.

I want to direct a pageant.

Ok I forget the other one, but it was good!

Oh, and I have had a slight addiction to a vitamin called Melatonin. My mom introduced me to it because I had been having problems sleeping. Melatonin just regulates your sleep patterns so you sleep better. Well now the problem is, I fall right to sleep but wake up at 3 a.m after only having 4 hours of sleep wide awake. Not cool. So tonight will be night 1 Melatonin free. Lets see how I do. Ha

Soul Mates

I did something today that I haven't done in several years. I watched The Notebook. I guess I was just feeling in a sappy mood, and since it was Sunday, I figured why not watch a good chick flick. It made me start thinking about why so many girls love the storyline of the notebook. After all, it has some not so great parts--sex way too young outside of marriage, a terrible breakup, affairs--but it's the love story that gets us. The fact that after all those years, even after Allie had moved away and found someone new, Noah still waited for her. I think every girl secretly hopes that there is some guy out there waiting on her. That, while we are chasing our dreams, a guy is there knowing that one day we will come to our senses and fall into his arms. It's the idea, that we are worth waiting on. That once you meet us, no one else will do. We are so perfectly unique and created for only one person. And that person, amazingly enough, has the patience to wait. And wait. And wait. Because sometimes, girls can be so stubborn.

I also started thinking about something else. I once thought I knew exactly what love is. Now though, I'm happy to say that I don't. I have no clue what love is. I can't imagine what love must feel like after 50 years of marriage. I can't imagine what it would feel like to not have to worry, to be completely safe. To trust completely. To know, that I could always pursue my dreams because my drive and passion won't be a deterring factor to him. Once, I didn't believe in soul mates. I believed that anyone, if they were compatible could marry and be happy if they worked at it. I still believe that is true, but I believe God has a specific person in mind for each of us. I believe that when God created me, he had someone in mind for me. Not to complete me, but to compliment me. So that he could lead me and I could encourage him. I've always heard a lot of married couples talk about how everything they lacked their partner had. I think it goes much deeper than just the whole spender/saver, clean/messy ideas. I think it's so much more than that. I believe that my struggles won't be my husbands struggles. His strengths will be my weaknesses. When I'm unsure, he'll be confident. I think only God could pair that together. I don't think that I'll have some miraculous sign when I'm with the man that is my soul mate, but I believe I will hear soft words of affirmation all along the way.

Life List #2

So Jason told me that my life list wasn't exciting enough. So here is Life List Part 2:

31. Learn to sail.

32. Swim with Sharks

33. Play poker at a Casino in Vegas

34. Go Skinny Dipping.

35. Learn how to dive (Yes I can't Dive)

36. Go on an African Safari

37. Invent a cure for something.

38. Dance in the Rain

39. Sing Kareoke at a bar

40. Attend the Miss America Pageant (to watch)

41. Eat Lobster in New England.

42. Take Cooking Lessons

43. Take Painting Lessons

44. Flip a house.

45. Learn how to drive a stick.

46. Eat pastries in Paris.

47. Spend an entire week holed up in a Cabin with my husband, with no connection to the outside world.

48. Attend the lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockafeller Square.

49. Own an Acura MDX.

50. Drink wine in Napa Valley, CA

Death

This is beautiful, while I have never experienced the loss of a child--and hope never to have to--these words spoken by John Piper, put the experience of loss into a much greater picture.

What I Said at My Granddaughter’s Funeral

A Granddaddy’s Thoughts

By John Piper

September 26, 2007

I had the privilege of sitting with my family while Tom Steller and Sam Crabtree ministered to us at the funeral of Felicity Margaret Piper who was stillborn at full term on September 22, 2007. Her father Abraham asked me to speak for five minutes on “A Granddaddy’s Thoughts.” Here is what I said.

I didn’t know Felicity Margaret. My experience of her life was entirely through other people for nine months. And my experience of her death, even though it was physically immediate and touchable, has been emotionally experienced almost entirely through other people.

So at this moment, what it means for me to be Felicity’s grandfather is that I am living this loss almost entirely through other people’s experience of this loss. And because of my love for all these people, there is a powerful sweetness in this pain.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have tasted her loss through my daughters-in-law, her aunts Shelly, Melissa, and Lesley. The measure of her worth and the greatness of her loss have been written on your faces, and they are the more beautiful for it.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss in the shattered expectation of her aunt Talitha, my daughter. It was not easy to go to school on Monday. But you and Mommy made a good plan with the school counselor to inform the teachers and students. And now, in a way you never expected, your heart is knit together with Dasia whose little brother Zach was killed by the dog a month ago.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss through her uncles and my sons Karsten, Benjamin, and Barnabas. I broke the news to each of you and watched all your plans change. You are good brothers to each other. And I cannot tell you how much I love the tears and embraces of strong men.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss through her grandmother, my wife Noël. Strange and wonderful. Your tears came slowly and have increased. Mine came quickly and have decreased. Almost the story of our lives. Thank you for knitting Felicity’s blanket, and weeping as you decided to give it to her anyway.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her mother, my daughter-in-law Molly. For her entire life she depended on you more than anyone. You fed her, you cleansed her, you supported her, you protected her, you knew her better than anyone. The grace that God has given you to love her greatly and let her go is amazing. Christ is on display in your life.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her father, my son Abraham. The words from Saturday morning’s phone call are cut into my heart, “Daddy, we lost the baby.” Nothing, Abraham, has gone deeper inside of me than your loss.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her great grandfather, my father Bill Piper. And this experience is totally different from all the others. In this case, the loss is all gain. My father died six months and sixteen days before Felicity did. I believe the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ covers the sins of all who trust him and all who are not old enough to trust him here but will trust him later.

Therefore, I believe Felicity and her great grandfather met each other early Sunday morning in the presence of Christ. And my father said, perhaps, “Hello, Felicity. I’m your great grandfather Piper. Come, there is somebody I want you to meet. His name is Jesus. He’s the reason you’re here. You don’t need to be afraid. Your Savior has led you all the way. And Jesus does all things well.”

© Desiring God

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

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If You Want Me To

I'm such a music person, and often the words to a song are like a band-aide to my soul. I stumbled across this song while doing homework this afternoon and thought it was God speaking straight to me.

"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will walk through the fire

If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will go through the valley If You want me to

Haiti

The news constantly flowing in from Haiti is tragic to say the least. While everywhere we turn we are bombarded with devastating images, I am concerned about the state of my heart. I know that God has bestowed upon me the spiritual gift of Mercy. I can completely empathize with people over tragedy, grief, loss, and tribulations to the point of going into complete despair if I let myself get that far. I was broken hearted over 9/11, completely devastated over Hurricane Katrina. I cry at every episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and am so heartbroken over the poor teenager's lives on Teen Mom. Why then, do I feel absolutely nothing for the victims of Haiti? Why? I am so appalled to admit this. Has my heart become hard? Have I experienced so much suffering over this past year that I am becoming cold to other's sufferings? I sure hope not. I don't understand the state of my heart. Is it because I have learned that no matter how great a trial God will always prevail in the end? I'm not sure, but I do know that the state of my heart needs to change...

Until then... here is a great website of a family who are missionaries in Haiti. Pray for them, it also shows great ways to donate.

http://highwaytohaiti.com

The Buried Life

There's a new show on MTV called "The Buried Life". It's about this group of guys who made a list of 100 things they want to do before they die, and then they set out to do all those things. It gave me an idea, I should make a list like that. Mine probably won't have 100 on it tonight, but it will be a work in progress. Here we go...

1. Go cow tipping.

Ironically this is the first thing I think of.

2. Go camping in the middle of the forest.

3. Shoot a perfect free throw.

4. Complete a marathon.

5. Go on a vacation by myself.

6. Drive to California.

7. Go to San Antonio.

8. Vacation in Greece.

9. Take a photography class.

10. Buy a Nikon D40 camera.

11. Teach a little kids Sunday School class.

12. Adopt a child.

13. Learn how to use a lighter, a real one.

14. Learn how to shoot a gun. A real gun, the ones that kill people.

15. Fall in love. The everlasting kind of love.

16. Learn Yoga.

17. Laugh every single day.

18. Give a complete random person $100

19. Work in a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving.

20. Go to New York.

21. Meet Karen Kingsbury.

22. Make a difference in someone's life.

23. Ace a ridiculously hard class.

24. Overcome incredible obsticles.

25. Get the metal taken out of my leg.

26. Buy a dog.

27. Learn how to bake at least one thing really well.

28. Buy a subscription to every magazine that I read.

29. Memorize one new bible verse every week for a year.

30. Learn how to play chords.

Where to Find Me

I thought the lyrics to this song is so perfect for this season that I'm in right now...

"When the lie is deeper than I know,

You capture me and You carry me home.

You see these wounds and rescue me,

You always heal things beautifully.

And I close my eyes and You can still my heart.

And I call out Your name,

cause you always know where to find me.

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be?

Whom have I but You who really knows me?

Proven to be the God that sees, from strength to strength, You've lifted me."

-Watermark, Where to Find Me

Where to Find Me

I thought the lyrics to this song is so perfect for this season that I'm in right now...

"When the lie is deeper than I know,

You capture me and You carry me home.

You see these wounds and rescue me,

You always heal things beautifully.

And I close my eyes and You can still my heart.

And I call out Your name,

cause you always know where to find me.

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be?

Whom have I but You who really knows me?

Proven to be the God that sees, from strength to strength, You've lifted me."

-Watermark, Where to Find Me

Believe in Kissing

Just thought I would share this. I found it on another blog and really liked it!

Normal

I have come to realize that I have some things about me that I always thought were normal, that in fact are not.

• I shave my legs EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every day. Period. Unless I am really sick, my legs are always shaved. I always thought this was normal. This is how all of the women in my family are. Evidently this is not normal though, many of my friends only shave their legs once a week. Gross.
• I go to bed really early. Like by 11pm. Even though I am a college student and should be staying up until the wee hours of the morning, I just need my sleep.
• I pick out my outfit for the next day, the night before. If I don't, I'm super rushed in the morning.
• It's very rare for me to eat a sandwich. I just don't like them. I would much rather have something hot to eat than a cold sandwich.
• I love school. I love going to class and learning new things that I didn't know before and I love the feeling of accomplishment after I've done really well on a test.
• If I am eating with someone, I would much rather go out to eat than cook at home. I love to cook, but I love going out to eat so much more. It's way more relaxing, and no mess to clean up afterwards!
• I take a bubble bath every single night. It's the only thing that I do that is relaxing.
• I'm not a big coffee drinker, but I love the smell of it
• I have no idea what my natural hair color is.

Random Thoughts

Here are random thoughts of my day which started entirely too early this morning:

• I just looked in my closet and realized that I have 6 pairs of tan boots that all look practically the same. I should probably give some of those to goodwill.
• For the past week I have had NO apatite. Seriously, just the thought of food makes me gag. It's so annoying. I have to force myself to eat things. Normally, I'll eat anything and everything and wish I had no appetite. Then when I actually don't, I wish I did. So annoying.
• My books cost $609.83 this semester. That's ridiculous. But I always love getting new books. I'm a nerd like that.
• I was actually bored in Organic Chemistry this morning. That's a first.
• I've been having problems sleeping lately which is very annoying. My mind is just too busy. Annoying again.
• I'm so happy to be back at school with all my friends!
• It's always nice to have someone ride to school with you. Reminds me of high school days.
• Some of my books this semester are paperback and I'm so happy! Much lighter to carry around!
• Every MWF I have a 4 hour break until my next class. I can already tell it's going to turn into nap time. Not good.
• As much as I say I'm not a morning person, I'm unusually perky after I've taken a shower. But don't talk to me before then.
• I will make coffee every morning just for the smell. It's a great way to wake up.

Confessions

Here's an honest confession. As much as I know about what I want in life, I have NO CLUE how to get from point A to point B.

I've always been a planner, I know what type of man I want to marry, I know what I want my wedding to look like. I know what my dream house looks like and I know how many kids I want to have. I know that I want to teach Sunday School and have foster kids someday. I know all of these things, yet I don't know what the next few years of my life looks like. It's a feeling that terrifies me yet is also exhilarating at the same time.

The more and more I think about marriage and spending the rest of my life with one person, the more it terrifies me. What if a week after I'm married I realize I made a huge mistake? What if my marriage becomes boring and mundane?

I guess the big question is.. What if my life isn't how I always dreamed it would be? But then again, what are my dreams anyway?

For a girl who has always known what she wants, suddenly I don't know what I want at all. All I want to do is follow my redeemer on a life of adventure, but right now even He seems eerily quiet. Is this the calm before the storm, or the light at the end of the tunnel? Where is God when my life seems to be one constant swirl of confusion and struggle? I know He's there, but I want to feel Him there. I want Him to calm my heart and show me purpose.

Am I too much? Probably.