A Change Will Do You Good

I am smack dab in the middle of reading Beth Moore's newest book "So Long, Insecurity". It's really amazing, and makes me look at struggles I face in an entirely new way. Tonight as I was reading, Beth (or Mrs. Beth as Jessica likes to put it :) ) was talking about changes we go through and how every change is pre-determined by God according to His good and perfect will. She stated that if we want our life to match His will, we must change.

She says:

"The truth is, God uses change to change us. He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distract us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny..... What will ever cause us to move on to the next place He has for us if something doesn't happen to change the way we feel about where we are?"

Also, get this.... As an example of change she uses the stock market crash, a bankruptcy, and a SKIING ACCIDENT. I read those words and said "Seriously God?" Wow. I want to go check every copy of her book and see if each copy says the same thing or if God specifically put that in MY copy. What does a skiing accident have to do with the stock market crashing or a bankruptcy? Nothing, except for the fact that that skiing accident completely changed my world. My accident set off a trigger of events that only God could orchestrate to turn me into the woman that I have become, am still becoming.

Then she goes on to talk about emotions. About how some people just "feel" things more significantly than others do. I'm beginning to think me and Beth could become best friends here. I mean, could I just have dinner with her? I think she could give me so much life altering advice. She describes me to a T.

I have said it before, but I definitely FEEL things. My joys are over bounding, my sorrows crippling. I think I go through every human emotion on a daily basis. I cry during any TV show in which it shows human suffering, joy, triumph, or loss. I hate to see old men eating alone in restaurants and will think about them for days afterwards feeling so much sadness for how lonely they must be. I can't read obituaries in the paper, you would think that I knew every single person personally. I get incredibly overjoyed when I see any man buying flowers. I FEEL. But that also makes me feel like I am crazy sometimes. I can be in the depths of depression one moment and laughing the next. But God made me this way purposely. And sometimes when I'm having a particularly hard day, I remind myself that it's good to feel because that means I'm alive.

Psalm 145

Today is a beautiful day!

Psalm 145

I will exalt you, my God and King,

and praise your name forever and ever.

I will praise you every day;

yes, I will praise you forever.

Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!

No one can measure his greatness.

Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts,

let them proclaim your power.

I will meditate on your majestic, glorious slendor

and your wonderful miracles.

Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue;

I will proclaim your greatness.

Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness;

they will sing with joy about your righteousness.

The Lord is merciful and compassionate,

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

the Lord is good to everyone.

He showers compassion on all his creation.

All of your works will thank you, Lord,

and your faithful followers will praise you.

They will speak of the glory of your kingdom;

they will give examples of your power.

They will tell about your mighty deeds

and about the majesty and glory of your reign.

For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.

You rule throughout all generations.

The Lords always keeps his promises;

he is gracious is all he does.

The Lord helps the fallen

and lifts those bent beneath their loads.

The eyes of all look to you in hope;

you give them their food as they need it.

When you open your hand,

you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in everything he does;

he is filled with kindness.

The Lord is close to all who call on him,

yes, to all who call on him in truth.

He grants the desires of those who fear him;

he hears their cries for help and rescues them.

The Lord protects all those who love him,

but he destroys the wicked.

I will PRAISE the Lord

and may everyone on earth bless his holy name

forever and ever.

Scared

I must admit that I am terrified about what the future holds. I know that my Lord has pre-determined all my steps and it is my prayer that I will not place one single toe outside of that line, but I am terrified over what is to come. I have a confession: I always thought that when I was at this stage of my life I would be in a relationship with someone, close to being engaged. That is not what God has for me, and while I am so thankful that He has called me back to Him, I am so scared to do it all alone. Now, I know I won't really be alone. I have a wonderful family who are on pins and needles wanting me to come back to Central AR. I have beautiful friends, who will be there no matter which part of the state I choose to spend the next year in. But sometimes I do long for companionship. Just the feeling of wanting to spend 24hrs a day with one person. I know that God has someone out there for me, I just want him to come. I'm not very patient. But God is shaping my heart in this time. I am learning what it is like to trust completely in my Savior, to bring every need before Him. It's a constant battle between me and Satan. He tries to feed my head with lies, feelings of sadness, he fills my eyes with tears; but, I know that my Lord always prevails. Nothing right now is easy, but I look to the future with a smile because I know that God has big plans in store for me. Plans that no one but me could accomplish. I can't wait!

CELEBRATE!!!

Lets just say there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and it's the most beautiful light ever! This season of my life is coming to a close, and a beautiful season is beginning. Many times during the past year and a half I thought I was coming to a breaking point but God managed to get me through it and everything I've gone through has made me into the woman that I am today. I wouldn't take back any of the hard lessons because I know that I needed to learn them and God brought me through them. Let me say it again, God is so good!

So.... Get Ready....

I AM GRADUATING IN MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even begin to tell you how big of a triumph this is for me!!! I will be the first person to tell you, NOTHING is impossible for God. Nothing.

God is still good, even when things seem so hard. Weeping may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning!

Good News!

Oh. My. Goodness. Last week could not have been any crazier, in the midst of getting my portfolio together, I come down with strep throat and then a sinus infection. I so love my parents so very much, I couldn't have finished everything without their help. I think they are beginning to be happy that I go to school several hours away and can't come home for help on everything. My poor dad stayed up with me until 12 a.m working on it Sunday night and he had to get up at 4:30am. Let me tell you though, my portfolio is the BEST looking portfolio you will have ever seen. I am so proud of it! I love it when you put so many hours into something and come out with a finished product. Its so satisfying.

So I have been on pins and needles waiting on the Summer school schedule to come out so I can figure out if I can actually graduate. Let me tell you, God is sooooo good. They are offering all the classes I need and the times work just perfectly! I can't believe it! So now I just have to make sure I can get all the appropriate overrides and that my petition goes through and I am on my way to GRADUATE!!! Hallelujah! I never thought I would see the day!

Today, I'm not working in order to get some much needed rest, and work on my Thesis. I am just in awe of how perfect and good our Lord is. He is AMAZING!

Sick

I come home for a long weekend and of course what do you know... I get sick. Luckily, Friday morning my mom was able to get me in to my family Physician. I have strep :( They gave me a shot in my hip to speed up the antibiotics, but I feel miserable. And of course I have to work on my huge portfolio, go figure. This is how life is... sickness never comes at a moment when you could actually lay around and just be sick. I guess this is my body's way of telling me that I need to slow down. So after I get my portfolio done, and my interview is over with I plan on slowing down a little bit :) I guess I will slow down a lot here in a couple of weeks when I have my surgery and am stuck on the couch! That week will be devoted to working on my Thesis!

On a good note, today when I get a break mom and I will do a little shopping :) I love shopping with my mom!

Beautiful

I love it how God speaks to me constantly and truly adores me. We learned in Bible Study this past week that we are the apples of God's eye and that's so true! Here's an example, once upon a time I had a boyfriend who was very critical of me. He always had an opinion about what I did, and especially what I wore and how I looked. I could go on for days and days about how many things he "didn't" like about me, but who wants to hear that. The point it, it really began to wear on my self esteem because all I wanted was for him to tell me that I was beautiful. Thankfully, God has been teaching me that I am beautiful and one-of-a-kind and loved dearly. So one of the things this guy didn't like was when I would wear my hair curly. I've just started wearing it curly again this past week and let me tell you I've gotten a million compliments on how good it looks. Such reaffirmation from my Lord is so good!

"it's not pretty being easy". This should be on a billboard somewhere.

Busy

Do you ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day? It seems like no matter how early I wake up, I always end the day with still a ton left to do. Who decided days should only be 24 hours long? I definitely think they should be 36. That would help me out a ton. Well, here's to the beginning of another very busy but blessed day! I hope yours is filled with joy and laughter, it's the journey that makes it all worthwhile :)


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Comfort

Tonight I am completely overcome with conviction of how comfortable of a life I live. I squirm at the slightest signs of pain, hurt. I fear abandonment. Funny, I fear abandonment yet God has promised to NEVER leave and NEVER forsake me. So I fear being abandoned by people? I shouldn't fear what I know will come. People will abandon. It's what we do, in some way or form. We all abandon each other at some point. That's how Satan tries to trick, to fool us. He tells us that we are ALONE. ALONE. All by ourselves, that no one understands our shame, our misery. But that's not true. God completely understands and God is right there going through it with us. Bringing us through it.

So what else am I comfortable with?

I'm comfortable with where I live, the friends I have, the major I've chosen, the clothes I wear. All of these define me. But only one thing should. My love and devotion to a God who is so real that I can speak daily with Him. A God who comforts me, stirs me to action, breaks my heart over what it needs to be broken for. A God who KNEW me before I was formed. He places my steps where they should go, and protects me from any harm that is not for His glory. He strips me down to nothing but a stump when I need to be and then places a fence around that stump so NOTHING can hurt His precious daughter any further than what He has allowed.

He knows me and He speaks to me. He speaks through me. He can use me even when I am being so stubborn and don't want to be used. But I'm getting carried away with what He has done for me. He can for you too.

He knows you. He knows every thought you have, He knows your actions, your comings and goings. He knows the deepest desires of your heart, yes even the ones you're not aware of yet. He wants you to have freedom. Freedom comes with the Lord and anything apart from Him is just a false security. It comes with the night but never hangs around the next morning. God is there Every. Single. Morning. He loves you more deeply than you have ever been loved. He's asking you... will you give up your comfort for His presence?

Happy

Some things to be happy about today...

• Our lowest exam score in Physics gets dropped so if I completely bomb this exam its ok.
• I'm going home tomorrow for a LONG weekend!
• I'm meeting Jayne for coffee this afternoon :)
• "Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us REJOICE and be GLAD in it"
• Bible study is tonight!

Hello!

I just got blog press on my iPhone and think it's so cool!! Just thought I would share that with the world! Be looking for more posts more often now :)

Sidenote: I am restarting my melotonin addiction... I could use a few good nights of sleep!

Lots of love.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Beautiful Mess

I'm sorry but I'm so tired and stressed that all I can type is in fragments right now so here is what it on my mind in bulleted form.

• I am so thankful for the wonderful friends that I have in my life. It's a huge blessing to have wonderful friends that you can count on through anything.
• Is God good or what? I am constantly reminded every day just how loving our God truly is. I'm so thankful He pulled me back into His arms.
• I love it when I see things coming together so perfectly that I know only God could orchestrate.
• Who's ready for spring? ME!
• I can't believe how different my life may be this time next year... I need to soak it all in while I can!
• Is it just me or does time go by incredibly fast?
• I miss my sisters. It's time for a trip home.
• Speaking of, I'm fortunate enough to be able to go home for a super long weekend this weekend. It's going to be so nice even though it will be spent working on my portfolio.
• I can't wait to be a teacher!
• I should be studying for Physics right now.
• Beth Moore's new book "So Long, Insecurity" = SO GOOD. Go buy it!
• I love driving my mom's car. I'm trying to convince her to switch me. ha
• I'm so grateful to have some really great guy friends in my life who will always give me honest and Godly truth.
• I'm the person who NEVER skips class yet I have already skipped Philosophy three times this semester. That tells you how boring the class is.
• I love my Dad!

Sorry if that list got a little long. I'm pretty scatterbrained tonight :)

Praise His Name!

I'm beginning to think that God has his own comedy routine starting the one and only... ME. I'm not meaning that in a mad way, because actually I think its quite hilarious. In my Bible study last week, we learned that God knows EXACTLY how to get our attention. Well, I've learned that God can't get my attention in the subtle whispers, He has to roadblock it to me. Seriously. I don't listen otherwise.

My latest... Since last week when I learned that I could possibly graduate in May I had to get on the ball with a bunch of appointments and scheduling upcoming events. The main thing coming up is my MAT interview. This is such a blessing, when I received the email about signing up for an interview time, I quickly deleted it knowing that I wasn't going to graduate so there was no need for me to sign up for an interview. Well, fast forward to last week and I was having a slight panic attack because I honestly thought the interviews were in early February and that I had already missed the deadline, and didn't even know who to contact to ask. This is on Thursday night by the way. Well on Friday morning I receive an email from the MAT program head asking me to please sign up for an interview (he thought his email never made it to my inbox the first time around) and that interviews were this week and the next. GOD IS GOOD. So I happily signed up for an interview for this friday. Then, I realized that I needed to bring my portfolio to my interview. I had no clue what was to be included in this portfolio since I haven't attended any of the Pre-MAT meetings. Thankfully, my good friends Sarah and Ashley quickly got me on board and provided me with all the materials I needed! PRAISE GOD FOR FRIENDS :) One problem though, the portfolio is about 70-100 pages long and I only had 1 week to do it along with studying for a HUGE physics test. So thats where I was this morning, well after about an hour of serious stressing and trying to figure out how to extend my days (seriously we should have 36 hr days) I receive another email. This one asks me if there is any way that I could change my interview time to next Thursday. UMM YES! This gives me one more week to work on my portfolio! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! Honestly, I think if I do anything but become a teacher I will probably be hit by a bus.

Really?

God changes my plans so much that it is actually quite comical. Seriously. He changes the plans that He already changed once. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be learning through all of this, just to trust completely in Him? Probably. So.... I found out last Summer that I wasn't going to get to graduate in time due to a few degree requirements that were overlooked. So I changed my major in order to still be able to graduate on time. Then this fall, due to another degree requirement (frustration here with the U of A system, particularly Fulbright College) I realized that I could either work my butt of taking 18 hours of super hard classes this spring semester, plus work on my Thesis. Or I could take 18 hours of some hard classes, but not as strenuous and work on my thesis, and still be involved in all the things that I am involved in, but graduate in May putting off entering the MAT until Summer of 2011. After much wrestling with God over this, I realized that it is more important to me to be able to spend quality time with friends, be involved in Bible Studies, and continue working at my job that I love, than to graduate on time. What's another semester anyways? So I became perfectly o.k with graduating in December of 2010 ( a feat for me because honestly, before I would have done anything I could do to graduate on time). Along the way, I interned at UAMS over the winter break and really fell in love with Medical Research. I interviewed with several Doctors and was even offered a spot in the Biophysics and Physiology Masters program there. Anyways.... Just as I was settling in on this idea, I was reminded why I wanted to teach in the first place (1. I seem to have a gift for helping people understand difficult concepts 2. I really love Biology and Chemistry 3. I have a passion for the high school age group and really want to make a difference in such a crucial time in their lives) Also, I have received a pretty big scholarship that will completely pay for my masters program plus give me a stipend to live off of. Wouldn't I be silly not to take advantage of *free* money? So just as I was beginning to consider teaching again, I receive an email from my scholarship advisor, Gay Stewart. Although I did not enjoy the subject in which I had Dr. Stewart in class for, I can't begin to tell you how wonderful of a person she is. Out of no where, she begins to ask me about my plans for graduation and tells me that there are ways to go around my problem. She is even willing to say that I took classes in her Physics department in order to give me more hours. She is literally bending over backwards for me, in order to get me to enter into the MAT program this Summer. She is great really. So after a million emails back and forth, it is looking like with a little effort, and some bending of the system..... I could actually graduate in MAY. WOW. Really God? I guess someone above has some pretty BIG plans for me as a teacher. Bring. It. On.

Book Review

One of my girlfriends, Summer, wrote a post on her blog about the lifechanging books she has read and asked me to do the same. First, read about hers here.

Here are mine, I read so much that it's hard to just limit it to a few but here we go!

Karen Kingsbury is my absolute favorite author. She is incredible! While I was at home last semester, I read all of her books. The characters in them were like my friends haha. Each book just has a great storyline and they all revolve around important life lessons. She also uses scripture a lot of her writing. Oh and I'm going to see her in March! How exciting!!

This book I have just started. On Beth's blog she is doing a discussion group over her newest book. It's REALLY good so far and very relevant. The discussion starts next week, you should join!

How can I put into words how much I love this book? I have read it at least three times and each time is better than the first. It revolves around the idea that we, as women, have a unique role to play that can't be played by anyone else. We should embrace that and stop trying to act like someone we're not. It talks a lot about beauty, which I love, and how our beauty is our gift to the world.

"Eve…She is the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God. Woman. In one least flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch… His piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill… (Ladies) Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, “The whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached its zenith in me.”

"Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty… he hates Eve.

Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be."

"Though we may fear the test, at the same time we yearn to be tested, to discover that we have what it takes."

Ok, this book is AMAZING. It's over 400 pages and I seriously read it in a day, passed it on to my roommate at the time, Christi, who read it in a day, passed it on to one of her friends... You get the picture. It's still circulating out there somewhere.

The storyline is about a girl named Angel who was sold into prostitution as a child. Michael, is a guy who is sent by God to lead her to Christ's love as well as his own. There are constant struggles in this book for Angel who doesn't understand the love Michael is showing her. She constantly returns to the brothel house, because she feels like she is never meant to be anything more than a prostitute. Michael seeks her out each time and rescues her. This book is the best example of true, unwavering love. It is based off of the Biblical story of Hosea and Gomer. It teaches us about a love that doesn't care what your past is... every girl should read this.

Quotes I loved:

"Love is the way back into Eden. It is the way back to life"

"Michael Hosea was a quiet man, but there wasn't anything soft about him. There was something in his look that made men treat him with respect. It wasn't just his height or the strength of his body, which were both impressive enough. It was the clear steadiness of his gaze. He knew what he was about even if the rest of the world didn't."

Dear John

So I've been cleaning practically all day long. I have this problem that I can never simply clean one thing. I have to clean everything, and everything must be organized too. It's a good thing that I have a small apartment, I couldn't imagine if I had a big house to clean. Can we say housekeeper anyone? Haha... Maybe I'll get lucky someday and my husband will see that as much of a need in my life as I do.

Last night, Jason and I along with every other girl in Fayetteville (plus the few boys who got drug along ) went to see Dear John. I had read the book a long time ago and honestly could not really remember the storyline. Overall, it was a good movie. It didn't live up to "The Notebook" but honestly can anything? Here's my favorite quote:

"And when her lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the girl of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever."

Plates

I have always wanted to collect vintage plates. Kind of random, I know. But growing up I had a best friend named Ashley Tinnell. In her mom's house, she had a wall of plates. All different types of plates, and it was gorgeous! I loved the randomness of it, but everything coordinated in a unique way. So I'm going to begin collecting plates so I can do a plate wall of my own one of these days. Here are some that I love.

Of course I like this one, the colors are gorgeous and I love anything with a paisley print!

Ok, so this one is probably a bit weird, but considering the fact that I am a biologist and have spent many years studying human bodies, I think this plate with a heart on it is pretty cool!

My favorite flower of course!

Love the pattern on this one! Reminds me of some china my mom inherited from her grandmother.

I'm a flower girl, what can I say?

Beth Moore Daniel Bible Study

I want to encourage everyone to go over to my friend Jessica's blog and check it out here ! She writes incredible reviews of the Bible study we are currently doing. I can't tell you enough about how amazing the Daniel Bible study is by Beth Moore. It's such a blessing, and incredible to experience it with such an amazing group of girls! Seriously, these girls are awesome, true women of God. It's amazing to see their passion for life, and most importantly God and others. I am so encouraged every single week. I really encourage anyone (ok maybe just girls), if you are looking for a Bible study to check out the Daniel one by Beth Moore. I have previously done Beth Moore studies, but this is by far my favorite one.

Goldendoodle

This is the dog that I want so so SO bad and as soon as I have my own house I will buy one!! Ahh... Can't wait!

Fashion

Since I am trying to control my addiction to fashion, I thought I would start making lists that way I can know what I absolutely cannot live without. Here are something I am currently loving...

F21 $3.80

This flower ring is just pretty. I love vintage things and this looks very vintage to me.

F21 $5.80

I always wear a lot of silver and gold together, so naturally I like these bracelets because they can be worn with anything.

F21 $29.80

Yes, I know that I already have a million pieces that look like this one, but who doesn't need one more?? They are so comfy, and great for lounging around the house.

F21 $17.80

I live in dresses and skirts in the summer, so this is a must for Spring 2010.

Love This!

Art

I'm pretty sure that just about any tv show can make me cry. American Idol. Yep. Extreme Home Makeover. Check. Oprah. That one too. Today, Oprah was doing a show on the new television series Undercover Boss. It's where the CEO's of major companies, go undercover and work the jobs of their employees. She had a CEO of a Waste Management System on there and I just started crying when I saw the people who do some of the worst jobs, clean port-a-potties, pick up trash, work at land fills--yet they have the most positive attitudes and they love their jobs. It makes me really embarrassed about how blessed I am, yet I still seem to complain from time to time. I should instead be thankful for the opportunities that I have.

I had the pleasure of having a much needed phone conversation with one of my best friends today. She just had the most precious little girl, Greenlee, a little over a month ago. One thing a lot of people don't know about Summer, is that she is SOOO incredibly talented with art. She paints gorgeous canvases, and can do just about anything else creative really well. I'm encouraging her to start selling her projects, because she could make some extra money on the side and have enough funds to keep doing what she loves. Check her out http://learn-to-loooove.blogspot.com/