Miss America 2010

Last night I went to sleep hearing the soft clink*clink*clink* of sleet and freezing rain against my window and this morning I woke up to a world of white. I don't think we've gotten much snow, just sleet, but it's enough to keep me inside which is all I want anyways. I love snow days because it's a whole day where you can do nothing but stay inside and -sigh- get caught up on all the things that you've been needing to do. It's like an extra day in the week and who doesn't need one of those? Amazingly enough the University actually cancelled classes at 9 last night instead of waiting until 5 in the morning like they usually do. Right now, my roommate and her boyfriend are discussing whether or not they should attempt to drive home to Heber for the weekend. I'm hoping they don't because if they do, I will be all alone here.

On another note, tomorrow night is Miss America 2010. The greatest night of the whole year. I always love watching the Miss America pageant, but this year I am doubly excited because we actually have a contestant in it who has a really great chance of winning! Not just *hope* she wins, but REALLY could win!! That would be so awesome! One person that I don't get the hype for is Puerto Rico. First of all, should PR be allowed in Miss America? I don't think of PR as being in America. She's absolutely gorgeous, true, but most of those girls are. I just don't get why the press goes crazy when she walks into a room. She has a lot of sex appeal, sure, but I'm sure she's not very smart. Ok, that was mean of me, but I'm supporting our Arkansas girl here! So, as long as the roads are decent--Amy, Tressa, and I will be heading out to Erin's house to watch MA and cheer on Sarah. You should too!!

Wal-Mart

Well, my mom told me today that Fayetteville is supposed to get a lot of snow/ice on Thursday and in true Arkansas fashion my roommate and I headed to Wal-Mart to stock up. Actually, we were already planning on a grocery trip, but we did pick up a lot more than usual just in case we have a snow day or two (fingers crossed). In fact, this is probably the most food our little pantry has seen in a long time. It's always nice to have food in the house...

On another note, we also traveled up to Rogers to purchase our Bible study books for our new study that will begin this Wednesday. We have chosen to do the "Daniel" study by Beth Moore. I am so excited. First, I LOVE love LOVE Beth Moore studies. Second, I love the girls that are in my Bible study group! What could be better?

I've been on a CD kick here lately, and am always picking up a new CD when I'm at Lifeway or Mardels. Today's CD of choice? Francessca Barcelli (I'm sure I spelled that wrong), her music has really great lyrics and a lot of piano in it. I'm loving it so far.

Next week, I have three tests. Count 'em. THREE. Have I began studying? Nope, not a lick. I probably won't start either until, umm... Sunday. Dear Graduation? Why aren't you here yet? Furthermore, why aren't I graduating in MAY?? Ugh.

I have two things to add to my lifelist.

I want to direct a pageant.

Ok I forget the other one, but it was good!

Oh, and I have had a slight addiction to a vitamin called Melatonin. My mom introduced me to it because I had been having problems sleeping. Melatonin just regulates your sleep patterns so you sleep better. Well now the problem is, I fall right to sleep but wake up at 3 a.m after only having 4 hours of sleep wide awake. Not cool. So tonight will be night 1 Melatonin free. Lets see how I do. Ha

Soul Mates

I did something today that I haven't done in several years. I watched The Notebook. I guess I was just feeling in a sappy mood, and since it was Sunday, I figured why not watch a good chick flick. It made me start thinking about why so many girls love the storyline of the notebook. After all, it has some not so great parts--sex way too young outside of marriage, a terrible breakup, affairs--but it's the love story that gets us. The fact that after all those years, even after Allie had moved away and found someone new, Noah still waited for her. I think every girl secretly hopes that there is some guy out there waiting on her. That, while we are chasing our dreams, a guy is there knowing that one day we will come to our senses and fall into his arms. It's the idea, that we are worth waiting on. That once you meet us, no one else will do. We are so perfectly unique and created for only one person. And that person, amazingly enough, has the patience to wait. And wait. And wait. Because sometimes, girls can be so stubborn.

I also started thinking about something else. I once thought I knew exactly what love is. Now though, I'm happy to say that I don't. I have no clue what love is. I can't imagine what love must feel like after 50 years of marriage. I can't imagine what it would feel like to not have to worry, to be completely safe. To trust completely. To know, that I could always pursue my dreams because my drive and passion won't be a deterring factor to him. Once, I didn't believe in soul mates. I believed that anyone, if they were compatible could marry and be happy if they worked at it. I still believe that is true, but I believe God has a specific person in mind for each of us. I believe that when God created me, he had someone in mind for me. Not to complete me, but to compliment me. So that he could lead me and I could encourage him. I've always heard a lot of married couples talk about how everything they lacked their partner had. I think it goes much deeper than just the whole spender/saver, clean/messy ideas. I think it's so much more than that. I believe that my struggles won't be my husbands struggles. His strengths will be my weaknesses. When I'm unsure, he'll be confident. I think only God could pair that together. I don't think that I'll have some miraculous sign when I'm with the man that is my soul mate, but I believe I will hear soft words of affirmation all along the way.

Life List #2

So Jason told me that my life list wasn't exciting enough. So here is Life List Part 2:

31. Learn to sail.

32. Swim with Sharks

33. Play poker at a Casino in Vegas

34. Go Skinny Dipping.

35. Learn how to dive (Yes I can't Dive)

36. Go on an African Safari

37. Invent a cure for something.

38. Dance in the Rain

39. Sing Kareoke at a bar

40. Attend the Miss America Pageant (to watch)

41. Eat Lobster in New England.

42. Take Cooking Lessons

43. Take Painting Lessons

44. Flip a house.

45. Learn how to drive a stick.

46. Eat pastries in Paris.

47. Spend an entire week holed up in a Cabin with my husband, with no connection to the outside world.

48. Attend the lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockafeller Square.

49. Own an Acura MDX.

50. Drink wine in Napa Valley, CA

Death

This is beautiful, while I have never experienced the loss of a child--and hope never to have to--these words spoken by John Piper, put the experience of loss into a much greater picture.

What I Said at My Granddaughter’s Funeral

A Granddaddy’s Thoughts

By John Piper

September 26, 2007

I had the privilege of sitting with my family while Tom Steller and Sam Crabtree ministered to us at the funeral of Felicity Margaret Piper who was stillborn at full term on September 22, 2007. Her father Abraham asked me to speak for five minutes on “A Granddaddy’s Thoughts.” Here is what I said.

I didn’t know Felicity Margaret. My experience of her life was entirely through other people for nine months. And my experience of her death, even though it was physically immediate and touchable, has been emotionally experienced almost entirely through other people.

So at this moment, what it means for me to be Felicity’s grandfather is that I am living this loss almost entirely through other people’s experience of this loss. And because of my love for all these people, there is a powerful sweetness in this pain.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have tasted her loss through my daughters-in-law, her aunts Shelly, Melissa, and Lesley. The measure of her worth and the greatness of her loss have been written on your faces, and they are the more beautiful for it.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss in the shattered expectation of her aunt Talitha, my daughter. It was not easy to go to school on Monday. But you and Mommy made a good plan with the school counselor to inform the teachers and students. And now, in a way you never expected, your heart is knit together with Dasia whose little brother Zach was killed by the dog a month ago.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss through her uncles and my sons Karsten, Benjamin, and Barnabas. I broke the news to each of you and watched all your plans change. You are good brothers to each other. And I cannot tell you how much I love the tears and embraces of strong men.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt her loss through her grandmother, my wife Noël. Strange and wonderful. Your tears came slowly and have increased. Mine came quickly and have decreased. Almost the story of our lives. Thank you for knitting Felicity’s blanket, and weeping as you decided to give it to her anyway.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her mother, my daughter-in-law Molly. For her entire life she depended on you more than anyone. You fed her, you cleansed her, you supported her, you protected her, you knew her better than anyone. The grace that God has given you to love her greatly and let her go is amazing. Christ is on display in your life.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her father, my son Abraham. The words from Saturday morning’s phone call are cut into my heart, “Daddy, we lost the baby.” Nothing, Abraham, has gone deeper inside of me than your loss.

Being Felicity’s grandfather means that I have felt the loss through her great grandfather, my father Bill Piper. And this experience is totally different from all the others. In this case, the loss is all gain. My father died six months and sixteen days before Felicity did. I believe the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ covers the sins of all who trust him and all who are not old enough to trust him here but will trust him later.

Therefore, I believe Felicity and her great grandfather met each other early Sunday morning in the presence of Christ. And my father said, perhaps, “Hello, Felicity. I’m your great grandfather Piper. Come, there is somebody I want you to meet. His name is Jesus. He’s the reason you’re here. You don’t need to be afraid. Your Savior has led you all the way. And Jesus does all things well.”

© Desiring God

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

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If You Want Me To

I'm such a music person, and often the words to a song are like a band-aide to my soul. I stumbled across this song while doing homework this afternoon and thought it was God speaking straight to me.

"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will walk through the fire

If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will go through the valley If You want me to

Haiti

The news constantly flowing in from Haiti is tragic to say the least. While everywhere we turn we are bombarded with devastating images, I am concerned about the state of my heart. I know that God has bestowed upon me the spiritual gift of Mercy. I can completely empathize with people over tragedy, grief, loss, and tribulations to the point of going into complete despair if I let myself get that far. I was broken hearted over 9/11, completely devastated over Hurricane Katrina. I cry at every episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and am so heartbroken over the poor teenager's lives on Teen Mom. Why then, do I feel absolutely nothing for the victims of Haiti? Why? I am so appalled to admit this. Has my heart become hard? Have I experienced so much suffering over this past year that I am becoming cold to other's sufferings? I sure hope not. I don't understand the state of my heart. Is it because I have learned that no matter how great a trial God will always prevail in the end? I'm not sure, but I do know that the state of my heart needs to change...

Until then... here is a great website of a family who are missionaries in Haiti. Pray for them, it also shows great ways to donate.

http://highwaytohaiti.com

The Buried Life

There's a new show on MTV called "The Buried Life". It's about this group of guys who made a list of 100 things they want to do before they die, and then they set out to do all those things. It gave me an idea, I should make a list like that. Mine probably won't have 100 on it tonight, but it will be a work in progress. Here we go...

1. Go cow tipping.

Ironically this is the first thing I think of.

2. Go camping in the middle of the forest.

3. Shoot a perfect free throw.

4. Complete a marathon.

5. Go on a vacation by myself.

6. Drive to California.

7. Go to San Antonio.

8. Vacation in Greece.

9. Take a photography class.

10. Buy a Nikon D40 camera.

11. Teach a little kids Sunday School class.

12. Adopt a child.

13. Learn how to use a lighter, a real one.

14. Learn how to shoot a gun. A real gun, the ones that kill people.

15. Fall in love. The everlasting kind of love.

16. Learn Yoga.

17. Laugh every single day.

18. Give a complete random person $100

19. Work in a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving.

20. Go to New York.

21. Meet Karen Kingsbury.

22. Make a difference in someone's life.

23. Ace a ridiculously hard class.

24. Overcome incredible obsticles.

25. Get the metal taken out of my leg.

26. Buy a dog.

27. Learn how to bake at least one thing really well.

28. Buy a subscription to every magazine that I read.

29. Memorize one new bible verse every week for a year.

30. Learn how to play chords.

Where to Find Me

I thought the lyrics to this song is so perfect for this season that I'm in right now...

"When the lie is deeper than I know,

You capture me and You carry me home.

You see these wounds and rescue me,

You always heal things beautifully.

And I close my eyes and You can still my heart.

And I call out Your name,

cause you always know where to find me.

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be?

Whom have I but You who really knows me?

Proven to be the God that sees, from strength to strength, You've lifted me."

-Watermark, Where to Find Me

Where to Find Me

I thought the lyrics to this song is so perfect for this season that I'm in right now...

"When the lie is deeper than I know,

You capture me and You carry me home.

You see these wounds and rescue me,

You always heal things beautifully.

And I close my eyes and You can still my heart.

And I call out Your name,

cause you always know where to find me.

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be?

Whom have I but You who really knows me?

Proven to be the God that sees, from strength to strength, You've lifted me."

-Watermark, Where to Find Me

Believe in Kissing

Just thought I would share this. I found it on another blog and really liked it!

Normal

I have come to realize that I have some things about me that I always thought were normal, that in fact are not.

• I shave my legs EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every day. Period. Unless I am really sick, my legs are always shaved. I always thought this was normal. This is how all of the women in my family are. Evidently this is not normal though, many of my friends only shave their legs once a week. Gross.
• I go to bed really early. Like by 11pm. Even though I am a college student and should be staying up until the wee hours of the morning, I just need my sleep.
• I pick out my outfit for the next day, the night before. If I don't, I'm super rushed in the morning.
• It's very rare for me to eat a sandwich. I just don't like them. I would much rather have something hot to eat than a cold sandwich.
• I love school. I love going to class and learning new things that I didn't know before and I love the feeling of accomplishment after I've done really well on a test.
• If I am eating with someone, I would much rather go out to eat than cook at home. I love to cook, but I love going out to eat so much more. It's way more relaxing, and no mess to clean up afterwards!
• I take a bubble bath every single night. It's the only thing that I do that is relaxing.
• I'm not a big coffee drinker, but I love the smell of it
• I have no idea what my natural hair color is.

Random Thoughts

Here are random thoughts of my day which started entirely too early this morning:

• I just looked in my closet and realized that I have 6 pairs of tan boots that all look practically the same. I should probably give some of those to goodwill.
• For the past week I have had NO apatite. Seriously, just the thought of food makes me gag. It's so annoying. I have to force myself to eat things. Normally, I'll eat anything and everything and wish I had no appetite. Then when I actually don't, I wish I did. So annoying.
• My books cost $609.83 this semester. That's ridiculous. But I always love getting new books. I'm a nerd like that.
• I was actually bored in Organic Chemistry this morning. That's a first.
• I've been having problems sleeping lately which is very annoying. My mind is just too busy. Annoying again.
• I'm so happy to be back at school with all my friends!
• It's always nice to have someone ride to school with you. Reminds me of high school days.
• Some of my books this semester are paperback and I'm so happy! Much lighter to carry around!
• Every MWF I have a 4 hour break until my next class. I can already tell it's going to turn into nap time. Not good.
• As much as I say I'm not a morning person, I'm unusually perky after I've taken a shower. But don't talk to me before then.
• I will make coffee every morning just for the smell. It's a great way to wake up.

Confessions

Here's an honest confession. As much as I know about what I want in life, I have NO CLUE how to get from point A to point B.

I've always been a planner, I know what type of man I want to marry, I know what I want my wedding to look like. I know what my dream house looks like and I know how many kids I want to have. I know that I want to teach Sunday School and have foster kids someday. I know all of these things, yet I don't know what the next few years of my life looks like. It's a feeling that terrifies me yet is also exhilarating at the same time.

The more and more I think about marriage and spending the rest of my life with one person, the more it terrifies me. What if a week after I'm married I realize I made a huge mistake? What if my marriage becomes boring and mundane?

I guess the big question is.. What if my life isn't how I always dreamed it would be? But then again, what are my dreams anyway?

For a girl who has always known what she wants, suddenly I don't know what I want at all. All I want to do is follow my redeemer on a life of adventure, but right now even He seems eerily quiet. Is this the calm before the storm, or the light at the end of the tunnel? Where is God when my life seems to be one constant swirl of confusion and struggle? I know He's there, but I want to feel Him there. I want Him to calm my heart and show me purpose.

Am I too much? Probably.