It's an incredible job, really. The hours are wonderful, the work is stimulating. For the (most) part my students are a joy. I look forward to all the breaks that are unique to this job.
But I feel guilty. Every night when I lay down. Guilty that I never had the same struggles some of these kids face. Guilty that my parents gave me everything I could ever desire both materially and emotionally. Guilty that learning was never a struggle for me. Guilty that having a relationship with my Lord seemed natural.
I feel guilty that I'm somehow not doing enough. Enough to touch them, to make a difference, to be a home away from home. I feel as though somewhere along the way I will fail them, and for the most part this is true. Some point throughout the year I will fail every single one of them. I will fail to realize they are having problems, I will fail to teach them. I will have a short temper, expect too much, expect too little.
But yet I have the most incredible mission field. 150 teenagers every year. To minister to, to touch, to inspire. Yet somedays I realize that I am incredibly unqualified for the task. Somedays I can barely solve my own mess of a life, much less attempt to help someone discover theirs.
So where is the balance? How do I teach content and inspire? How do I make a difference, yet let it go when need be. How do I love the unlovable? Reach the withdrawn? Inspire the discouraged?
How do I do my job, both my earthly one and my eternal one, while maintaining balance and peace.