I've once heard that you get three great loves in your life.
I've had two, so far. Both, completely different.
Different ages, different times of my life, different demeanors, different spriritual lives...
And while I can say the greatest heartbreak came from my second love. It is my first love I am often drawn back to.
What is it about that first taste of love, that lingers?
Is it him I miss, or the person I was when I was with him? Young, unabandoned, still believing in the power of love... Still believing that one love could last a lifetime.
I do still believe that last part, most days.
Or is it who he was? My best friend. I would be lieing to say that I don't secretely cherish the fact that I am the only girl he's ever been fully in love with. The only one he's ever told those three words to.
Or maybe I miss him being just miles away. Always available for lunch, ice cream, or to just let me cry about my latest mess.
Not on the other side of the world, in completely different time zones, with completely different lives.
I wouldn't say he's a stranger now, but we know longer know every detail of each other's lives.
He's still the one I pray for every night.... Not him in particular, but when I pray for my future husband, I pray for someone like him.
He's the only man who has every completely adored me. Cherished me. Never dreamed of hurting me, and never did intentionally.
Many might wonder why dedicate such a post to a man who is obviously no longer a part of my life. He might not be there, but his influence still is. He was there for some of the most pivitol years of my life, and I turned my back on him.
He taught me how to seek God with everything I have. He taught me the importance of prayer. He taught me how I deserved to be loved. He set the standard. It took him near dying for me to realize these things...
While my first great love only lasted a few short years, I experienced love in those few short years what most people spend a lifetime searching for. While that love was never meant to last forever, in those years God used him to grab a hold of my heart.
So while most people question why I'm not dating anyone, or why I'm too picky. While most tell me my standards are "too high" or that "there's no such thing as a good guy", I ignore them because I know differently.
And until God brings me my final great love, I'm content from experiencing the first.