Motherhood from My Sister's Perspective

My sister has a photosharing website of pictures of Heelyn.  I would post it, but she might get mad at me.  On her website she also blogs occasionally.  For those of you who don't know my sister, she is quite possibly one of the funniest people in the world.  She would probably say that I'm way funnier, but I think it's because we think/say/do the same stuff.

So I've taken the liberty of re-posting a blog she wrote on her take on the world of mothering.  She wrote this right before Christmas, so little Heely was just shy of 2 months.

"Over the past 7 weeks i have learned that being a mommy contradicts basic rules that you would normally apply in life.

For instance...

-Applauding a burp or other bodily function happens on a daily basis.
-Showering is no longer relaxing time...it is more like a drive through car wash...hop in, walk thru do a quick 180 add a little soap if your lucky, rinse and go. This all happens in 2 minutes flat...if your lucky.
-I always said i would never be "one of those parents", you know the ones that think their kid does things quicker, or learns faster , is cuter then the other babies...etc.....guess what...I'm one of those parents... i have little or no control of it.
-Pre-Baby...or we can just say P.B. anyway PB i would have died if i would have been thrown up on, tootied on or had any other form of nastiness on me...now when this happens...A. im either happy she finally did something regardless of where it ended up or B. contemplating if i have time to even change out of my now dirty clothes into new ones. or C....too tired to even care where it ended up.
-A clean house is actually not a priority to baby..... she does not care how much laundry you have, how many dishes are piling up or what is growing in the bathroom sink....
-Paper plates have become my best friend...a round of applause for the man that invented them.
-I have officially become the multitasking queen...thats right...you can go ahead and give me my crown... i can now cook dinner, unload dishwasher, start some much needed laundry all while pushing heelyns bouncer  up and down with my foot...
-Bouncer=Life Saver...I mean really life saver...that little thing seems to migrate with Heelyn & I no matter what room we are in.
-Swing=Sanity Saver...the swing is like a baby hammock for heelyn...what sane person would not enjoy rocking back and forth all day...As i am typing she is kicking away and squealing while in her swing watching tv (Dont Tell Daddy )...
-"Quick Trips" as I formally use to call them...these "adventures" as I will call them now are no longer quick..PB (Dont forget Pre Baby) I could have ran in Target shopped, tried clothes on, made a quick round thru the shoe department, the house decorating and maybe even browsed through the magazine book section in a maximum of 10 minutes...My now quick trips are....30 minutes of packing and preparing Heelyn for this trip...(packing the diaper bag, getting heelyn ready and loaded in her car seat, getting heelyn in the car and buckled in) once we get to our destination we then either search for a parking place super close to the door or we find a parking place that has an abandoned shopping cart to put heelyn's carrier in (It is much easier to push the shopping cart from the middle of the parking lot then carry the baby carrier) when we have finally arrived inside our destination we can then start shopping....most isles in stores or at mall stores are not shopping cart and baby stroller friendly. One would think since women are the major consumer the dang isles and stores would be stroller friendly...yes i am talking about you Gymboree and Baby Gap!
-Being a mom has calmed my attitude down a couple notches...by saying this I will give you an example. Heelyn and I were at target yesterday, we walk in and their are 2 shopping carts available. Gotta love christmas time when everyone is out shopping! So the first available shopping cart is snatched up by a lady and her small toddler...that is understandable...the last available shopping cart is taken by a guy that has to be close to my age (26ish) by himself, no bag, no child...nothing....ummmmmm HELLO im right behind you holding a small infant in a child carrier....Let me say PB(pre baby) I would have chased this joker down and brought to his attention that their was someone else in need of the cart that he would be able to find one further into the store....Sigh...maybe being a mom hasnt calmed me down its the simple fact that i could not chase the joker down with me carrying the diaper bag...the carrier with baby and my drink...RUDE...Needless to say i stood there standing in the empty shopping cart corral and stared at the back of this guys head until he was out of sight...This man should consider himself lucky..if looks could kill lol.
-30 minutes of consistent sleep is actuallly considered a good nights sleep... 2 hours is nothing short of a miracle.. If i get over an hour and a half of consistent sleep I now consider myself "well rested"
-I have never been more aware of people coughing, sneezing or any other bodily function that may carry germs... you people and your germy sneezes stay away from my baby! Oh and dont even think about coming close to the baby...I will turn into momma bear before you have even made the conscious decision to come our way.
-Because i am nursing i now contemplate how badly i want to drink a coke...are the consequences of an all nighter from the caffeine that heelyn will intake from me worth that little bitty 12 ounces of heaven...this is the war i have with myself on a daily basis.

Last i have to say that ive learned that the majority of the human race is just plain retarded...my favorite question is "Boy or Girl?"....ummmm seriously? Heelyns decked out in all pink...with a pink blanket.... pink hair bow...hot pink diaper bag if they had pink diapers she would be rocking those as well...Do we really need to ask the gender question?"

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did, I was seriously laughing out loud.

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